If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.

--George Muncaster (Air Force Wisdom)

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in

fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

- Robert Frost

Two lions broke loose in the zoo and were eating a clown.

One lion said to the other ...

"Does this taste funny to you?"

- Unknown

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

- Jim Davis

I'm a classic example of all humorists — only funny when I'm working.

- Peter Sellers

Great Britain and the United States are nations

separated by a common language.

- George Bernard Shaw

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

- Buster Keaton

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil

- Paul Getty

I just thought of something funny...your mother.

- Cheech Marin

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

- Peter Ustinov

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk,

my first instinct is to laugh.

But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.

Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule,

and on every side of a fool

--Edgar Watson Howe

Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.

- Lyric from Frank Zappa's "Be-Bop Tango"